Gosh... Sometimes I look at my life and wonder, "What in the world am I doing? And what difference am I making??" Being in this constant state of financial dilemma with no visible way out and being a stay-at-home mom with no way to get an income without paying for it sure wears on me. The dishes I just washed will be dirty within 24 hours; the clothes I just folded will be worn within two days and need washing again; the toys I just put away for the third time today will be dragged out again as soon as the girls are up from their naps; the carpet I spent an hour vacuuming will be covered in crumbs and dirt by dinnertime; the meal I just slaved over will be cold by the time both kids have clean diapers, washed hands, and the husband is home from work; the floor I just swept for the second time today will be covered with more remnants of food dropped from both high chairs. The job of a housewife is not full of productivity in the same sense as the job of a bank teller or even a waitress; it is not full of great accomplishments that will be recognized; there will be no "employee of the month" for a housewife and the job will never be finished. So, again, why??

Without skipping a beat my answer is: Because this is what I have always wanted and what I have always know the Lord has wanted from me. I know that my biggest ministry is going to be my family. I know that I am making a difference by loving our daughters and reaching out to other mothers who don't know the Lord and respecting my husband and bringing glory to my Lord every moment, even when it seems like no one is paying attention. I look at friends who left the Honor Academy to be a part of wonderful ministries in which their gifts and talents are being utilized or who are pursuing higher education and getting decent-paying jobs that pay the bills and then some. At times I envy these people because they seem to be so much closer to the Lord or better-off or more successful than I am; but I know that they are where they are for a reason and I am where I am for a reason. I know that the Lord is using me just as much as He is using them, just in different ways. And it's good. It's very good! Do I sometimes ache for the days when I could be wholly committed to advancing my knowledge of God and basking in the fellowship of some of the most wonderful people I may ever know, being constantly challenged and pushed to keep pressing on? You bet! I can't tell you how many tears I've cried wishing I could have that sense of community in such a big way again. But I know there is a season for everything.

I want to use this season to learn and grow as much as I can. I have so much opportunity as a stay-at-home mom to spend time in the Word and read and research and reconnect and reach out and teach and nurture... Wow what a blessing! I know there will come a day when I won't have this kind of opportunity and I don't want to look back and regret not taking advantage of it.

So this year, I want to live on the wild side... get out of my comfort zone... let my hair down a little and let the Lord work in ways I could never even dream!

I hope your year is full of daring steps of faith that bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ and His Kingdom!

Hello xanga world.... it's been awhile!

I am now a stay-at-home mom again. I know; short-lived, right? Well my sitters quit on me and I wasn't able to find anything else we could afford, so I had to quit. I only worked there for three months. Sad. A part of me feels like a failure and like I have to defend myself for having not stuck it out, but the rest of me knows that's ridiculous. There's no need to feel guilty. Now I get to be home with my girls again and there's no shame in that.

Without my income I'm not sure how we'll make it financially. We have some friends who are pregnant with twins and due end of January and when she goes back to work I'll be sitting for them, which will probably be around May. So, we just have to find something to fill in the gap. Tom might have to get a second job, which is hard, but we'll see. We're trusting the Lord. I know it will be ok; I just don't know how.

The girls are growing so fast! Kylee will be two at the end of next month. She is speaking a lot and her pronunciation gets better every day. I love listening to her little voice. She likes to make up little songs, mostly about our family. It'll go something like, "Mommy Mommy Daddy Doey Doey Doey Mommy Daddy..." (Doey = Chloe) She likes to laugh, too, which I love. She is such a sweet little girl. She likes to give hugs and kisses and say "I love you," which comes out as "Ah-ee tew!" She is a wonderful big sister; she has to know where Chloe is at all times and loves to help me with little tasks like "fetching" diapers, wipes, blankeys, bottles, etc.

Chloe is a pro at crawling now and will be walking soon. She took her first step by herself Saturday morning. She is such a little cutie and will melt anyone's heart with her gorgeous eyes. She's our little dare devil, doing somersaults off of the couch and trying to climb out of everything. She's also our sensitive one, crying if you speak too loudly or look at her the wrong way. She is trying hard to keep up with her sister and does well at holding her own. I love snuggling with her and listening to her laugh. She likes to play peek-a-boo and clap her hands. It's amazing how much more quickly she's learning to do things than Kylee did. She even has two teeth already!

Well that's pretty much an update... I'll be putting up pictures again soon I hope. Now that I'm home I'll have more time to keep up with everyone.